Deaths

This week in just a few short days, the tiny community I live in has experienced the death of three well known people. One was just a girl, only 26 years old. I didn't know her personally but she's the age of my son. I feel a grief for her death because she had so much to live for and so many more things she needed to get done.
The second one is someone I know, and he's lived a good long life. He was healthy up until Saturday and then it was over. For that I'm glad. He was 84. But he leaves behind a wife. They have been together since they were young, raising children, grandchildren, experiencing all of life's griefs and trials. I try to imagine how this woman is going to be after the funeral, after the shock, when she goes home and is alone to face the fact that he's no longer there. I've been on my own for so long I cannot remember what it was like to have a constant companion, but I keep trying to imagine how she'll cope, how she'll feel, how the grief will effect her. Rather a maudlin subject this morning, but it seems to be something that I need to deal with because I am grieving not so much for him because he's in a better place, but for her. Imagining the every day conversations .. what do you want for supper? did you pick up that (fill in the blank) at the store today? just ordinary things. And then there is no one there to ask, no one to care what you eat for supper or even if you eat supper.
The other death is similar to the second one. A widow left alone, and she's dealing with cancer herself. Its all part of life, the dying is. I've seen enough people die, even children, and I know its inescapable. Death itself does not scare me or worry me, just the people who are left behind and what they have to cope with.
Maybe tomorrow I'll have a happier mind. Yesterday all day I felt like the color black or at best dark blue. Today I'm up to a lighter blue, but still rather on the darkish side. I didn't know what the problem was, but now that I've written this I see what it is.
Journaling is amazing.